About 23 weeks ago, our lives changed. (It's about to get real here, so if you care not to know the details, skip to the next post.)
1st of all. Let me start by saying last March, Michael & I experienced a miscarriage. I do not share this because we want sympathy, but because we feel like this experience could be helpful to someone somewhere. Michael & I have been off birth control since October of 2013.
I feel like no one tells you how difficult it can be & how traumatic of a process it is. Every month, you wait hoping you'll get a tiny hit of a plus sign. We tried for over a year & a half before it happened in March 2015. We were absolutely 100% over the moon about it!
I wish I would have written about this then because now the details of how we found out are a little hazy, but we were pumped. 1 week of thinking we were having a baby was all it took to experience total heartbreak. It took time, but with lots of prayer & priesthood blessings, we moved on. During that time, it felt everyone & their dog was getting pregnant. I had such a hard time dealing with that. Why not me? I thought that people didn't know how lucky they were when they got pregnant. I'm truly ashamed of thinking this way though because you never know what is going on behind the "happy go lucky" instagram post. Eventually, I got over myself. Then, 9 months to the day of the miscarriage, we found out we were expecting again. We were terrified. We wanted to be excited, but didn't want to get our hopes up again. About a week into finding out we were expecting, my back started to hurt just like before. Like period cramps, but much more intense. We thought for sure we were going to lose this little one. We just kept on praying & kept our faith. 7 weeks of back pain & still, our ultrasound showed a strong heartbeat. We entered into the 2nd trimester & finally felt we could breath again.
Getting pregnant is hard. Losing a pregnancy is hard. Finding out you can't have kids is hard. But it's real. So many of our friends, co-workers, family members go through this struggle alone. Michael & I are absolutely thrilled for our baby boy, Ezra, to come to our family.
This week, we started to feel him kick for the first time & it's unlike anything we've ever experienced. Everyone tells me I'll regret saying how happy his kicks make me when it's in my ribs, but never in my life have I felt more joy than when I get a swift kick to the bowel & I instantly have to poop. I am so grateful for Ezra. I love him more than I knew & I have only met him through tiny flutters & teeny kicks.
Anyway... We're expecting a Boy!
-Goose
